Escape to Paradise: Relaxed City Living in Port Elizabeth, South Africa
Escape to Paradise: My Port Elizabeth Getaway - A Review (With Real Talk!)
Okay, so I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Port Elizabeth, South Africa, and let me tell you, I'm still unpacking literally and mentally! I stayed at this place called "Escape to Paradise," and the name, frankly, felt a bit much. Paradise? We'll see about THAT. This review is going to be REAL, folks. No sugarcoating. Buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy, hilarious, and hopefully helpful ride.
First, the basics: Accessibility. I'm not in a wheelchair myself, but I did notice a few things. They claim to have facilities for disabled guests, but I couldn't get the nitty gritty details. The elevator was a lifesaver, especially since my room was on a higher floor (more on that later!). They have a car park [on-site] and it's free of charge, which is always a bonus. But, honestly, if you're seriously relying on accessibility, I'd recommend a direct call to confirm the specific details. Don't take my word for it!
Getting Around was pretty easy. They had a taxi service, which I used a couple of times when I couldn't be bothered to drive myself, and an airport transfer, which was a godsend. They also have car park [free of charge] and a valet parking service.
Rooms & Amenities – The Good, the Bad, and the Slightly-Questionable
My room? Well, let's just say it was an experience. "Escape to Paradise" promises a lot. And I'll give them this, they tried.
- Wi-Fi [free] Yeah, finally! And it actually worked most of the time. Thank goodness, 'cause I had to upload like, 100 pictures. I definitely took advantage of the Internet access – wireless and the Internet access – LAN options and the free Wi-Fi in all rooms!
- Air conditioning, thank god, because Port Elizabeth can get scorching.
- Air conditioning in public area.
- Alarm clock: Still got one!
- Bathrobes were nice. Felt fancy. I spent a good hour just lounging in that.
- Bathroom phone: What is this, the 80s? But, hey, it worked!
- Bathtub: I, uh, tried it. See, I like my baths, and this one was…adequate. Not a great bathtub experience, though.
- Blackout curtains: Essential for sleeping off that jet lag… and well, just sleeping in general.
- Closet: It held my stuff. Good.
- Coffee/tea maker: Essential. Morning caffeine fix = happy me. And they also offer complimentary tea.
- Extra long bed: I'm tall, so this was a win!
- Free bottled water: Always a plus, especially with the South African heat, and Free bottled water.
- Hair dryer: Yep, it worked. Standard.
- High floor: The view was spectacular. Seriously, worth the climb.
- In-room safe box: Always use it.
- Linens: Clean, soft, and comfortable.
- Mini bar: …Well-stocked. And expensive. But hey, you're on holiday, right? A couple of cheeky after-dinner drinks with the refrigerator.
- Non-smoking: Thank goodness.
- Private bathroom: Obviously.
- Reading light: Perfect for those moments of nighttime escape within a book before falling asleep.
- Refrigerator: Cold drinks!
- Satellite/cable channels: If I'm being honest, I barely turned on the TV. I was too busy… well, everything else.
- Seating area: Comfy enough.
- Separate shower/bathtub: Nice to have the options, though that bath… still a bit 'meh'.
- Shower: Perfectly functional.
- Slippers: A nice touch, though not overly luxurious.
- Smoke detector: Safety first, always.
- Socket near the bed: Brilliant! For charging my phone, which is basically surgically attached to my hand, and Socket near the bed.
- Soundproofing: Pretty damn good. I didn't hear any of my noisy neighbors.
- Telephone: It worked! I swear, half the time, I spent most of my time using the bathroom phone.
- Toiletries: Decent quality, which I appreciated.
- Towels: Fluffy.
- Wake-up service: I used it. I'm not a morning person.
- Window that opens: Great for letting in that fresh sea breeze.
The slightly-negative side (some of these might seem petty!)
- It took FOREVER to figure out how to work the TV remote. After a few moments of frustration, I gave up and just browsed on my phone.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – A Mixed Bag (And One Amazing Steak!)
Okay, the food situation was a little all over the place. "Escape to Paradise" has a lot of options, which is great in theory.
- Restaurants: Indeed. But let's break it down…
- A la carte in restaurant: Great option for some of the main meals.
- Bar: Served some decent cocktails.
- Breakfast [buffet]: Standard buffet fare. Nothing mind-blowing, but it filled the gap.
- Breakfast service: All good.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: All well.
- Desserts in restaurant: Some were delightful.
- Happy hour: Always a winner!
- International cuisine in restaurant: It had a few.
- Poolside bar: A perfect spot to grab a drink.
- Room service [24-hour]: Pretty convenient.
- Snack bar: Nice for a quick bite.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Fine… nothing special.
- Western breakfast: The usual.
- Western cuisine in restaurant: Fine as well.
- Asian breakfast: Did not see
- Asian cuisine in restaurant: Did not see
- Bottle of water: Yes, obviously.
- Buffet in restaurant: Yes.
- Coffee shop: Yes.
- Salad in restaurant: Ok.
- Soup in restaurant: Ok.
But the real highlight? The steak. Oh, the steak. One night, I ordered a perfectly cooked steak - medium-rare, buttery, and absolutely sublime. It was the best steak I've had in ages. It was so good, I'm still dreaming about it. That steak single-handedly bumped up my rating for the whole dining experience! I'd almost go back just for that one meal…almost.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax – Spa Day, Anyone?
Okay, this is where the "Paradise" part really came in on its own. They have a proper spa, and I spent a gloriously lazy afternoon there.
- Body scrub: Absolutely heavenly.
- Body wrap: Ah, the ultimate in relaxation.
- Fitness center: Yep, it had weights and machines. (I didn't use it. Sorry, gym!)
- Gym/fitness: The center was ok.
- Massage: The massage was incredible. My knots melted away. Worth every penny.
- Pool with view: Spectacular!
- Sauna: Nice and steamy.
- Spa: Definitely make time for it.
- Spa/sauna: Yes
- Steamroom: Great too.
- Swimming pool: It was an outdoor pool.
- Swimming pool [outdoor]: Yes again!
Cleanliness and Safety – Feeling Safe (But Double-Check!)
Honestly, I was pretty impressed with the safety measures. In the current climate, it's a big deal.
- They claim they have used anti-viral cleaning products, though, of course, I couldn't verify that.
- Cashless payment service: Made things easy.
- Daily disinfection in common areas.
- First aid kit: Well, it better have one!
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere!
- Hot water linen and laundry washing.
- Hygiene certification.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Yup.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Good.
- Staff trained in safety protocol.
- Sterilizing equipment.
- CCTV in common areas: Yes.
Alright, alright, buckle up buttercups! This ain't no sterile, spreadsheet-y itinerary. This is my hazy, slightly-burnt-coffee-stained plan for a Port Elizabeth adventure. Prepare for feels, tangents, and the occasional existential crisis. Let's DO this!
Trip Title: PE, Please Don't Let Me Mess Up (Again)
Duration: 5 Glorious Days (or, you know, however long I don't spontaneously combust)
The Cast (Me, Myself, and I): This solo mission is all me, baby. Expect internal monologues, the occasional "WTF?!" muttered under my breath, and probably a sunburn.
Day 1: Arrival & "Oh My God, I'm Actually Here?!"
Morning (aka "Please, Don't Lose Your Luggage" Time): Land. Jetlag hits. Customs…ugh, so much waiting. First stop? That dodgy, slightly-stained-but-possibly-awesome-anyway guesthouse I booked online. Fingers crossed it looks like the pictures (which probably used some SERIOUS filter magic). My emotional state is oscillating between "OMG, adventure!" and "Did I remember to pack socks?"
- Anecdote Spark: Last time I traveled, I nearly missed a flight because I was stressing about socks. Seriously. Lesson learned: Pack the damn socks.
Afternoon (aka "Finding My Bearings… and Maybe a Coffee"): Check in. Unpack (or, let's be real, dump everything). Scout the neighbourhood. Coffee is ESSENTIAL. I'm on a mission to find the best coffee in PE. This is serious business. Gonna hit up a local cafe the guesthouse recommended called "Something Good" (very, very promising name). Maybe grab a pastry too. Because, calories.
Evening (aka "Sunset and a Sigh of Relief"): Okay, so, the guesthouse does look like the pics (mostly). Huge relief. Sunset cocktails at a bar with a view, preferably one overlooking the ocean. The goal? Pure, unadulterated chill. Observe the local wildlife (people, I mean… hopefully not actual wildlife… unless it's a cute penguin) and try not to think about work. Or laundry. Or the existential dread that creeps in when you're alone with your thoughts. Ugh, I already miss my cat..
Day 2: Beach Bumming & That Damn Wind
- Morning (aka "Sunscreen or Death"): Beach day! Time to conquer the waves. Head to something like Humewood Beach. I'm expecting to be slightly overwhelmed by the endless ocean and the fact that I can't seem to surf. Sunscreen application is of utmost importance, don't be an idiot. I am, of course, already thinking about how I'll inevitably get sand everywhere.
- Afternoon (aka "Wind, Wind, Go Away!"): Ok, so PE is windy. Didn't prepare for that. It's a battle to even stand up, never mind enjoy a leisurely stroll. But some beach time is necessary. Maybe rent a little beach chair. Perhaps some ice cream to soothe my wind-battered soul.
- Quirky Observation: So, the wind is actually trying to steal my hat. This is war.
- Evening (aka "Fresh Seafood and Existential Dread"): Dinner at a seafood restaurant. I really deserve some good food after battling the elements. It feels like my "eat all the seafood" day. Maybe a nice, crisp Sauvignon Blanc to wash it all down. More ocean views are required. And maybe a chat with a friendly local, if I can muster the courage. Loneliness on a solo trip is real, and it's starting to hit. Try not to dwell on all the things I'm doing wrong. Probably will.
Day 3: Kragga Kamma game park vs. Wildlife
- Morning/Afternoon (aka "Chasing the Big 5" - metaphorically): It's time to pretend I know anything about wildlife. Kragga Kamma Game Park. I'm hoping to see some elephants, lions, and the rest of the crew. I will probably be pointing at every single animal and shouting, "LOOK, A THING!" to no one in particular. Feel free to judge.
- Afternoon/Evening (aka "Reflection and Remorse"): Strolling around and thinking hard about all the stuff I can't seem to fix in my life. That's when you get a real good look at yourself, huh?
- Emotional Reaction: Wow. I actually saw an actual elephant! It was majestic. And then I saw a lion. Then a giraffe. Then a… yeah, this is pretty amazing. I'm not sure I deserve this. Also, I think I'm mildly terrified of the rhino.
- Evening: A nice, quiet dinner. Maybe a journal session.
Day 4: Art, Culture & That One Thing That's Always a Mistake
- Morning (aka "Where the Heck Are the Museums?"): Time to get cultured, damn it. I'm going to try to find some art stuff. Visiting a museum or art gallery. Trying to look like I know what I'm doing. Probably failing.
- Afternoon (aka "Why Did I Do That?"): Strolling around, maybe a wine tasting… or something fun.
- Messier Structure and Occasional Rambles: Okay, this is where the plan gets a little…fuzzy. There's this thing I've been thinking about doing. A potentially bad thing. Something involving a tattoo. And perhaps a spontaneous hair change. Probably the tattoo.
- Evening (aka "Regret? Nope, Just a Little Bit of Self-Doubt"): Dinner. Trying to decide if I should embrace the impulse or run screaming in the other direction. Probably should just chill out… but where's the fun in that?
Day 5: Departure & "Did I Actually Enjoy Myself?"
- Morning (aka "Packing and Procrastination"): Okay, time to pack. Trying to neatly fold everything is a fool's errand. Probably going to end up shoving everything in. Have to check out of the guesthouse. One last coffee (the best one, hopefully). The final scramble to make the airport is guaranteed; I'm always late.
- Afternoon (aka "Goodbye PE!"): Airport. Security. Waiting. A silent prayer that I didn't forget anything incredibly important (like, you know, my passport). Reflecting on the trip. Did I have fun? Did I make a complete fool of myself? Probably.
- Evening (aka "Back to Reality"): Plane takes off. Back home. Work. Life. The usual chaos. But hey, at least I have some new memories, some questionable souvenirs, and a whole lot of stories to tell.
Important Notes & Disclaimers:
- Spontaneity is Key: This schedule is fluid. More accurately: it's barely a suggestion. I reserve the right to change my mind, get lost, or spontaneously decide to spend an entire day eating ice cream.
- Food is Life: Coffee, seafood, and all things delicious. My primary mission is to find the best coffee and food in PE. Recommendations are welcome.
- Embrace the Awkardness: Solo travel is inherently awkward. That's part of the fun.
- Safety First (Probably): I'll try not to do anything too stupid. Probably.
- Mental Health Check-In: If I suddenly disappear, assume I've found a hidden beach and am refusing to leave. Or, more likely, had a minor breakdown and retreated to my guesthouse with a bottle of wine and a blanket.
So, there you have it. My slightly chaotic, wonderfully imperfect Port Elizabeth adventure. Wish me luck (especially with the tattoo). And if you see me, feel free to say hi. Just don't judge my potential sunburn. And maybe carry some extra socks. You never know.
**Luxury Unveiled: Nevsky Bereg 122 - Your St. Petersburg Dream Stay!**
Escape to Paradise: Relaxed City Living in Port Elizabeth - FAQs (With a Dose of Reality)
So, PE… is it really paradise? Like, actual coconut trees, pristine beaches, and no… you know… *stuff*?
Okay, hold your horses. Paradise? Well, PE’s *got* its moments. The beaches? Phenomenal. Think long stretches of sand, perfect for sunsets (when the wind isn’t blowing your hair sideways, which is *often*). And yes, we *do* have palm trees. They aren't overflowing with coconuts, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Seriously, I spent a solid afternoon once *trying* to get a coconut down (don't ask). Ended up with a bruised shoulder and a healthy respect for gravity. And the "stuff"? Look, no city is perfect. You get the usual crime worries, load shedding (thanks Eskom!), and the occasional pothole that could swallow a small car. It's paradise with a few rough edges, like a well-worn pair of jeans. Still comfy though.
The beaches! Tell me *everything* about the beaches! Best spots? Secret coves? Any sharks? (Please say no sharks...)
Alright, beaches. My happy place. Humewood Beach is classic, packed with families and ice cream vendors (essential!). Kings Beach is bigger, great for walks and windsurfing, and sometimes, *sometimes*, you can catch a glimpse of dolphins playing. But my *absolute* favorite? Pollok Beach. The waves are perfect for surfing (if you’re brave, unlike me – I remain a staunch bodyboarder). And the vibe is just... chill. No shark sightings during the numerous times I have visited, but you should always pay attention to the warnings. See, the reality is the sea can be dangerous! Always check the surf conditions, heed the lifeguard’s advice, and respect the ocean. Respect is the key! One time I was too busy enjoying the sunset, and I got knocked over the by the biggest wave, and it was a reminder to respect the sea.
What's the food scene like? Any good restaurants, or are we talking fast food and bunny chows (though I *love* bunny chows)?
Ah, the food. Okay, PE's not exactly a culinary mecca like, say, Cape Town. But it’s got a decent selection. You get your staples, of course. Fantastic fish and chips (I swear, it tastes *better* by the sea). Wonderful seafood restaurants on the beachfront. And bunny chows! (You're in luck). But there are some gems. Vovo Telo, ah, the bakery that's amazing for coffee and breakfast. Then there's a quirky little Italian place near the harbour (I won't mention the name because I'm afraid it'll get too popular and I won't be able to get a table!), and you'll find hidden gems all over, places serving fantastic curry and other South African specialties. Explore! Get lost! It's part of the fun. Don't just stick to the chains, trust me. That's what I did for the first year, and I missed so much!
What about the weather? Is it *always* sunny? (Please say yes…)
Ha! Sunny? Well, we *do* get a lot of sun. More than most places in South Africa, actually. But it's the "Windy City" for a reason! The wind is a constant companion. Sometimes it’s a gentle breeze, perfect for a picnic. Other times… it’s a howling gale that makes you want to hide indoors. The wind carries sand, dust, and, on a particularly bad day, small children! (Just kidding… mostly). Summer's lovely, but it gets hot. Winter's mild, but it *can* rain. Seriously, pack layers. And a good windbreaker. You'll need it.
Okay, Okay, what's the social scene like? Are there things to *do* besides sit on the beach (though that sounds pretty amazing)?
The social scene? It's definitely more relaxed than a big city. There are pubs and bars, always some live music playing. I am not really a night owl. I have tried so many times, but I can't drink too much. But there's always the friendly atmosphere. There are coffee shops where everyone knows your name (because you're probably there every day). Then there's the Boardwalk, with the casino, restaurants, and movie theaters. It's a decent spot for weekend evening. But a big part of PE's charm is the outdoor stuff. Hiking trails (check!), surfing (yep!), game reserves nearby (absolutely!). Even just a walk along the beach at sunset is an amazing social experience. You'll meet people, dogs will bark, and you will have a great time. It's not a city that's always "on," but it's absolutely a city that's welcoming.
What about the "vibe"? Is it friendly? Laid-back? What am I *really* getting myself into?
The vibe... oh, the vibe. That's the *thing* about PE. It's a melting pot. A very relaxed melting pot. It's not glitzy, it's not pretentious. People are generally friendly and helpful. They'll chat to you in the supermarket queue, offer directions even if you *don't* ask (and, let's be honest, I got lost *a lot* when I first moved here!). It's a city that values a good work-life balance. It's about enjoying the simple things - a good meal, the beach, a braai (barbecue) with friends. That's the real beauty of it. It's not perfect, it has its challenges, but it’s a city that gets under your skin. One day, I was having a terrible day. I felt so lonely and out of place. I went for a walk at the beach, and even though it was windy, I felt so much better. I don't know what it is, but PE has a way of pulling you back. I can't explain it. But I'm glad I made the jump! It's a place where you can breathe a little easier, and maybe, just maybe, find your own little slice of paradise.
Is it expensive to live there? Compared to, say, Jo'burg or Cape Town?
Generally, PE is easier on your wallet than Joburg or Cape Town. Rent, groceries, and even eating out tend to be more affordable. Obviously, it depends on your lifestyle. But you'll likely find your money goes further. Which means more beach visits, more ice cream cones, and possibly more weekends away exploring the Eastern Cape. The best part? More money at the end of the month!. That's the real advantage that most people don't talk about.
