Escape to Paradise: Johannesburg's Stunning Summer Garden Guest House (The Palms)
Escape to Paradise? Johannesburg's Summer Garden Guest House (The Palms) – A Whirlwind of Highs and Lows! (SEO & Metadata Included… ish!)
Okay, so you're looking for a Johannesburg escape, a little slice of "paradise," right? Me too! And my mission, should I choose to accept it (and I did!), was to check out The Palms, this "stunning summer garden guest house." Let's dive headfirst, shall we? Buckle up, because this review is going to be… well, me. Think of it as a messy, honest, occasionally hilarious diary of my stay.
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First Impressions (and the Great Anxiety of "Accessibility")
Right off the bat, let's talk accessibility. This is HUGE for me, as I've seen enough "accessible" hotels to know it's often a lie. The Palms does claim to be accessible, and that's good because if they didn't I would have ripped them to shreds. They had helpful elevators that were accessible, and also had ground floor rooms. But it also makes you think "I hope this is actually useful for someone" and I had to check the bathroom. It was pretty good! The grab bars and everything were there. (Accessibility: Score: Above Average - needs more specific reviews from mobility-impaired guests to be truly assessed.)
Getting Around (and Avoiding the "Crazy Taxi")
Car Park [Free of Charge]: This was a lifesaver. Johannesburg traffic is… a thing. Knowing my car was safe and parked without costing me an arm and a leg? Huge win. (Getting Around: Score: Solid Gold!)
Airport transfer: They offer this. Wish I had taken it! The taxi experience was… memorable. Let's just say I learned a new definition of "optimistic driving." (Getting Around: Note to self: Book the airport transfer!)
Rooms: The Good, the Okay, and the "Where's My Sleep?"
Okay, let's cut to the chase: I was in a non-smoking room, with air conditioning, and free Wi-Fi. Standard, but important.
- Available in all rooms: Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes (yes!), Bathroom phone (fancy!), Bathtub (yay!), Blackout curtains (bless!), Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed (needed!), Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor… the list goes on. It's basically a checklist of what you'd expect.
The rooms themselves? Clean. Modern. Comfortable, more or less. The bed? Heavenly. The blackout curtains? Saved my sanity. (Available in all rooms: Score: Pretty darn good.)
The Not-So-Perfect (and the Sleep-Stealing Demons):
Now for the gripes! Soundproofing? HA. My room was close enough to the garden that I heard every chirp, croak, and conversation until ungodly hours. I was practically living in a nature documentary. And yes, my neighbour was a snorer, and the walls are thins (Soundproofing: Fail.)
Internet – Wi-Fi [Free] in All Rooms! Yes, and it worked! Mostly. Sometimes I had to do the "turn it off and on again" dance. I also had access to a LAN. It was the best.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – Fueling the Adventure (and the Occasional Regret!)
Okay, let's get real. I love food. And The Palms, bless its heart, offered a LOT.
- Restaurants: Multiple.
- Breakfast: Excellent. Breakfast [buffet], Asian breakfast, Western breakfast all available. Good, hearty, and perfect for fuelling a day of exploring.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Crucial.
- Poolside Bar: Yes, please! Perfect for a sundowner and some people-watching.
- Room service [24-hour]: Tempting, very tempting.
- Snack bar: Useful.
The Hiccups in the Food Game:
The Poolside bar was great, but the drinks were a bit pricey. I'm talking "ouch, wallet" pricey. The a la carte menu was a bit bland for my taste, and the salad was not very fresh one day.
The Amenities: A Spa-tacular Dilemma (or, Why I Need More Time!)
Right, so here's the deal. The Palms boasts a spa. Spa/Sauna, Sauna, Steamroom, Massage, Body scrub , Body wrap, Foot bath… the works. Now, I wanted to experience everything. I really, really did. But time, alas, was not on my side.
The Pool with a View: Stunning. I mean, Instagram-worthy stunning. Made me feel like a proper tourist. I spent a whole afternoon there, just floating and staring at the blue. Pure bliss, until a little too much sun did a little too much damage. (Pool with view: Score: 10/10 – just remember the sunscreen, idiot!)
Cleanliness and Safety: The Sanitization Symphony
This is where The Palms shone. In a post-pandemic world, this is paramount.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Check.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Check.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere! Check.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Wonderful.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Reassuring.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Crucial, and noticeable.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Yes.
- Safe dining setup: Definitely.
Security [24-hour]: Very present. Felt safe.
Overall Cleanliness and Safety: Absolutely top-notch. This is non-negotiable for me these days.
(Cleanliness and Safety: Score: A+ – they take it seriously, and it shows.)
Things to Do, Ways to Relax: Beyond the Pool (and the Sandman's Wrath)
The Palms is more than just a place to sleep.
- Fitness center: I didn't use it (I was too busy napping!), but it looked decent.
- Spa: Still a regret I didn't fully experience it. Next time!
- Terrace: Lovely for an evening drink.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things that Matter
- Concierge: Helpful.
- Daily housekeeping: Immaculate.
- Laundry service: Thank god.
- Elevator: Made life easier.
- Air conditioning in public area: Essential.
Final Verdict: Will I Return to The Palms?
Maybe! It wasn't perfect – the noise, price of drinks, and missed spa opportunities were downsides. The amazing pool, the impeccable cleanliness, and the generally luxurious atmosphere (especially after a long day of exploring) make it a very, very appealing option.
My Recommendation:
If you're looking for a clean, comfortable, and well-appointed base from which to explore Johannesburg, The Palms is a strong contender. Go, but pack earplugs!
(Overall Score: 4 out of 5 stars. A solid, if imperfect, escape to… well, a pretty sweet Johannesburg.)
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And one last note: Remember, this is just my experience. You might have a completely different one! And that's the beauty of travel, isn't it?
Sheraton Inner Harbor: Your Dream Baltimore Getaway Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your sanitized, bullet-pointed travel brochure. This is a messy, glorious, and utterly human account of my recent stay at Summer Garden Guest House (The Palms) in Johannesburg, South Africa. Prepare for tangents, whining, and questionable life choices. You've been warned.
Johannesburg Jamboree: A Chaotic Chronicle
(Warning: May contain excessive heat, questionable food choices, and an overabundance of mosquito bites.)
Day 1: Arrival and "Oh My God, It's Hot!"
Morning (7:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Flight from…well, let's just say "Europe." The journey involved a layover that felt longer than my last relationship (which, let's be honest, wasn't very long). Landed in Jozi. The air hit me like a slap in the face – a warm, fragrant, slightly dusty slap. Okay, Johannesburg, you've got my attention.
Mid-Morning (9:00 AM - 11:00 AM): Uber to Summer Garden Guest House. The driver, God bless him, tried to navigate the chaos of Johannesburg traffic. This involved a lot of lane weaving, honking, and the occasional mumbled prayer (from me, not him). I was already sweating. My luggage made it, mostly intact.
Late Morning/Early Afternoon (11:00 AM - 3:00 PM): Check-in at Summer Garden. The Palms is beautiful, lush, almost obscenely green. The staff immediately offered iced tea. Bless their hearts. The heat was INTENSE. I was pretty much a puddle of flop sweat. My room was lovely, basic but cool and clean. A good start. I took a shower, attempted to unpack (failing miserably), and then promptly collapsed on the bed. Nap time! That felt like a gift from heaven.
Afternoon (3:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Exploring the guest house grounds. The pool looked inviting, but I was already sunburnt and slightly terrified of the local insect life. Swatting away persistent flies. Decided to avoid the pool, didn't fancy getting eaten alive by anything with wings. The gardens are truly lovely, the whole property is like an oasis, very well curated. One thing though, the resident Guinea Fowls, oh my god, they are LOUD. The cacophony of clucking and squawking was relentless. "Welcome to Africa," I thought, trying not to strangle a particularly enthusiastic fowl.
Evening (6:00 PM - 8:00 PM): Dinner at the guest house. Okay, let's talk food. I'm very opinionated about food. Tonight, it was a BBQ. Well, I am British, so I felt right at home with that concept. The food was good. Hearty. The company was actually great; I met a couple from Canada and a lone wolf traveler from Germany. We chatted about travel and the world, and everyone agreed that the Guinea Fowls were a menace. I had a couple of glasses of wine, and I forgot all about how long my flight was. Bliss.
Night (8:00 PM - Whenever I Passed Out): Attempted to read. Failed. The jet lag and heat were a brutal combination. Fell asleep watching the ceiling fan, hoping it would keep the mosquitos at bay. (It mostly did).
Day 2: Soweto and Emotional Rollercoaster (Mostly Sad)
- Morning (8:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Breakfast at Summer Garden. The coffee was strong, bless its heart. Had a lovely chat with the Guest House staff. I could see that they genuinely loved Joburg.
- Mid-Morning (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Soweto tour. This was tough but absolutely essential. We visited Nelson Mandela's house, the Hector Pieterson Memorial. It was intensely moving, heart-wrenching. I felt a profound sense of sadness and anger. I am not ashamed to say I shed a few tears. This tour was the most important thing that I did on this trip.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Lunch at a local restaurant in Soweto. I ordered something - I can't remember what, but it involved a lot of meat and was very tasty. The food was a welcome distraction from the emotional weight of the morning. The atmosphere was bustling, lively, and uplifting.
- Late Afternoon/Early Evening (3:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Back to The Palms. Collapsed on my bed. I needed a moment to process the day. The heat was oppressive. I managed to take a shower and change my clothes (I was still sweating out the memories of Soweto).
- Evening (6:00 PM - 8:00 PM): Dinner at the guest house. I ate a salad. I wasn't overly hungry. The previous day's emotions were still close to the surface. The Canadians and the German were there, and they were very understanding. I ate quietly, and went back to bed and thought. It was important for me to think about the day.
- Night (8:00 PM - Whenever): Tossed and turned. The Guinea Fowls continued their nightly symphony. The events of the day still haunted me. I fell asleep eventually.
Day 3: Gold Reef City and a Deep Dive
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Gold Reef City. A theme park and living museum built on an old gold mine. It was…weird. The rollercoasters were fun (adrenaline is a great distraction from grief). The gold mine tour was fascinating. I'm mildly claustrophobic, so that part was a little intense. I actually ended up enjoying it more than I expected. The feeling of being underground, of the weight of the earth pressing down…it was surreal. I bought a ridiculously overpriced t-shirt.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Drove to the Apartheid Museum, but it was closed. I was bummed. I spent too much time in Gold Reef city, and I hadn't realized how long the driving would take. I think I must have been in some denial. I just wanted to do something.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Back at The Palms, I took a long, hot shower. I spent a long time in the shower. The water was hot, and the air was wet and dense. I thought about tomorrow, which was a lot of things and I wasn't at all ready for.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 8:00 PM): Dinner. I had a very long talk with the Canadians. I didn't want to eat; I wanted to talk.
- Night (8:00 PM - Whenever): I ordered a pizza and watched a film. I thought I'd have a pizza night. It was good.
Day 4: The Day I Tried to be a Local
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Rode the Gautrain. That was the best part of my trip, honestly. The train was efficient, and the people were lovely.
- Mid-Morning (12:00 PM - 1:30 PM): Went to a restaurant in Maboneng. I ordered… things, and ate them. It was lovely.
- Afternoon (1:30 PM - 3:00 PM): I just wandered around. I'm bad at just wandering, because I get in my own head.
- Late Afternoon/Early Evening (3:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Back at The Palms. I was very tired, and I just wanted to sleep.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 8:00 PM): Dinner. I didn't eat much. I just sat with everyone and smiled. Tonight, I felt homesick.
- Night (8:00 PM - Whenever): Watched a movie. It was nice.
Day 5: Departure and the Lingering Taste of Africa
- Morning (7:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Last breakfast at the guest house. Said goodbye to the staff and the Canadians (the German had already left). I vowed to return to them.
- Mid-Morning (9:00 AM - 11:00 AM): Uber to the airport. The driver was late, and I was panicking. I thought I'd be late for my flight.
- Late Morning (11:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Flight. The flight was delayed! I was furious.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - Onward): Left South Africa.
The Verdict:
Johannesburg is a chaotic, beautiful, heart-rending, and ultimately unforgettable city. The Summer Garden Guest House, with its Guinea Fowls and lush gardens, was a welcome respite from the madness. Would
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Escape to Paradise: Johannesburg's Stunning Summer Garden Guest House (The Palms) - FAQ (Because Let's Be Real, You Have Questions!)
Okay, so "Paradise" is a BIG claim. Is The Palms *really* paradise? I need the truth.
Alright, deep breaths. Let's be honest. No place is *PERFECT*. Even paradise probably has mosquito bites and the occasional grumpy angel. The Palms is… pretty darn close, though. Picture this: you're sprawled on a sun lounger, cocktail in hand (yes, they have a bar!), the Jozi sun is kissing your skin, and you can hear the gentle rustle of palm leaves. Seriously, the gardens are *ridiculously* lush. Like, I’m talking jungle levels of green. One time, a hummingbird zoomed right past my face, and I swear, I nearly choked on my gin and tonic. Paradise-adjacent, maybe? Yeah, I'd go with that. It’s definitely paradise-esque. Just don't expect unicorns and rainbows. Although, the way the light hits the bougainvillea… It *almost* feels like a unicorn might be around the corner.
What's the vibe like? Is it a stuffy, silver-service kind of place, or more relaxed? Because I can't do stuffy.
Thank GOD, it's NOT stuffy. I HATE stuffy. Think… effortless chic. Think… you can wear your favourite, slightly-worn jeans to breakfast. (I totally did.) The vibe is deliberately casual and welcoming. They want you to relax. It’s the kind of place where you can strike up a conversation with the other guests, or happily hide away with a book. I remember one time, I was chatting with this couple from England and they just kept gushing about how friendly the staff were. And honestly, yes, the staff are AMAZING. They're genuinely friendly and helpful, not in that fake, forced way. Picture this: a slightly chaotic but beautiful garden, friendly dogs (yes, DOGS!), and delicious smells wafting from the kitchen. Totally relaxed. Totally. Just be prepared to get slightly addicted to that feeling.
The food. Tell me EVERYTHING about the food. I'm a foodie.
Okay, foodies, LISTEN UP. The food at The Palms… is a *highlight*. I'm not even kidding. They use fresh, seasonal ingredients. The breakfast buffet is a masterpiece. Seriously, it rivals some of the best brunches I've ever had. Think: everything from fresh fruit to a full cooked breakfast (the eggs benedict are life-changing), and homemade pastries that will make you want to weep with joy. They also do lunch and dinner, which I strongly recommend you try. One day, I had the lamb shank, and I am still having dreams about it. It was so tender it practically fell off the bone. And the desserts? Don’t even get me started. Let's just say, pack your stretchy pants. And maybe a defibrillator, just in case your taste buds go into cardiac arrest. Seriously. The food is a legitimate reason to go.” It's so good that my pants felt a little tighter when I left, but honestly? Worth it.
Can I bring my kids?
That's a tricky one. They generally *welcome* families, but it’s worth checking directly with them before booking. It’s mostly geared towards a more romantic getaway, but the space is big enough, and the staff are usually accommodating. However, this place is not really a resort for kids, because it just not designed for things like a separate kids club or swimming pool for kids. So check directly with the guesthouse.
Is it easy to get to from the airport? And what about getting around Johannesburg in general? Safety wise?
Getting to The Palms from O.R. Tambo International Airport is fairly straightforward. Uber or a pre-booked transfer is your best bet. The traffic in Joburg can be… *interesting*, so plan accordingly. The Palms is located in a pretty decent area, but it’s still Johannesburg. Safety is always a concern, so follow the usual precautions: be aware of your surroundings, avoid walking alone at night, and use reputable transportation services. Don't wander around with your phone out all the time. I always feel a little paranoid about that, but it is just part of the city. The staff at The Palms can offer good advice on local transport too, and on what areas to avoid and what to see. Always, always, ALWAYS trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. It's unfortunate but it's just the way it is there.
The rooms? Are they nice? Should I get a specific room type?
Yes, the rooms are NICE. Really nice. They're individually decorated, all with a slightly different character. Think stylish and comfortable, with a touch of elegance. Some rooms have private balconies or patios, which if the weather's good, are absolutely worth it. I’ve stayed in a few different rooms there, and honestly, I don’t think you can go wrong. The suites are probably worth the extra splurge if you’re celebrating something special. They’re luxuriously spacious. But even a standard room… it's still a refuge from the city. But if you're planning on spending a lot of time in your room (which you shouldn't, because hello, garden!), I’d recommend the suite. Otherwise, focus on getting a room with some outdoor space. Imagine enjoying your morning coffee or a late afternoon glass of wine overlooking the gardens. That's the dream, right? Seriously though, whatever you end up with, you won't be disappointed.
Any downsides? (Come on, there must be SOMETHING!)
Okay, okay, fair point. Nothing is perfect, and even paradise has its quirks. The air conditioning in my room one time was a bit… temperamental. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Minor inconvenience, really, especially when the pool is right there. And a little bit of traffic noise at certain times of day, but that is part of living in the city, right? And it's important to manage your expectations. It's not a cheap place, and you are only booking a room: everything else (such as drinks and food) is extra. So, you might want to save up a little beforehand. And if you're after a party atmosphere, this isn't the place. And, oh yeah, the biggest downside? Having to leave. Seriously, that's the hardest part.
Is there a pool? Because I need a pool. #poollife
YES! There is indeed aHotel Adventure
